Why Is Resting So Hard? (A Gen X Woman's Struggle with Self-Care)

I haven't been feeling my best this week, so you'll have to forgive me if my thoughts are a bit scattered in this post. It's a good thing I posted those television show recommendations because I've definitely been taking advantage of them over the past few days. (Who else can't wait for Part 2 of Bridgerton Season 4?)

But I do have something I need to share—something I think will be very relatable.

The Productivity Trap

I don't know if it's my personality, my astrological sign, being a firstborn, or maybe just being a Gen Xer, but when I don't feel well, lying around and doing nothing productive is not easy for me. All I think about is everything I should be doing and am not. My anxiety spikes. My ability to stay still and rest feels impossible.

And asking for help? Even harder.

Being a mom, I've always been the "caretaker" in our family. My ability to care for others comes naturally, without much thought. But when it comes to me? I'm terrible at it. Even though my body was achy and my exhaustion screamed at me to lie down and rest, I couldn't help thinking about how unproductive I'd been.

What is this? Guilt? The inability to calm my mind? So many years of doing things for others that I simply don't know how to do it for myself?

When Help Feels Uncomfortable

My husband has been wonderful—bringing me food and drinks, feeding the dogs, washing the dishes. But then I start to feel more anxious when I hear the dishwasher loading or the dogs whining to go out. I know in my rational brain that he's fully capable of handling these things, but what has conditioned me to think like this?

According to the Cleveland Clinic, "About 15% to 50% of perimenopausal and postmenopausal women may experience symptoms like anxiety, depression, forgetfulness, and insomnia."

Well, that makes sense. On a normal, healthy day I have these thoughts. So of course when I'm not feeling 100%, they're just elevated.

The Self-Care Wake-Up Call

I know that at this age, there's a lot of hype—and online memes—about "self-care." But I don't think I ever really thought those messages were focused on me.

But now, in this moment? Maybe I should pay attention.

You may recall I recently had issues with my shoulder and put off going to the doctor, thinking it would just go away. That wasn't very good self-care. I've been known to extend myself to the point of exhaustion, whether at work or home. Also not very good self-care.

I love this quote from Oscar Wilde: "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."

What a poetic way of saying: be kinder to yourself, and then you can do all the things you want to do. If my body isn't moving, my mind usually is—so I should heed this advice. Take better care of myself. Fall in love with a little respite in this crazy world every once in a while.

Can you relate to this? Do you have any advice for someone who struggles to rest? I'd love to hear from you.