Permission to Feel Sad in a World That Demands Joy

Here we are in September, and you know what I'm feeling? A little sad. We often don't want to talk openly about all our feelings, especially when we're experiencing sadness. We're supposed to show positivity, optimism, happiness, and joy online, but truthfully, we all have a wide range of feelings in the same year, month, week, or even in the same day. I'm not too embarrassed to say this.

So why do I feel sad?

The Weight of Transitions

That's kind of complicated. As a 50 & seasoned woman, I'm sad for summer to end. With it goes the warmth of the sun, the constant outdoor activities available, sitting on a warm patio beneath a big umbrella drinking a chilled glass of wine. I'm sad because my daughter is no longer at home with us, but back at school for the semester.

I won't hear her door slam, won't get to hear how her night of sleep was in the morning, or get to watch her beautiful red hair sweep around the corner of the hallway in our house.

I'm sad because being an empty nester and changing your career path at the same time is a bit daunting. The hours spent by myself can be long, and the days are starting to get darker earlier.

When the World Feels Heavy

So if you feel the same way, it's okay. It's hard to watch the news at night anymore. I don't know about you, but the bad news on top of bad news has been hard to take. The violence, political turmoil, economic ups and downs, and frankly, the lack of optimism is getting to be a downer. As I live outside the Twin Cities of Minnesota, these last two weeks have been filled with the sadness of the Annunciation School tragedy. I just can't wrap my head around such hate and why this keeps happening to children. I have wept while watching the parents plead for change. The constant cycle of tragedy and division weighs heavily on the heart.

I want to look forward to positive things to come, but first, talking openly and sharing these feelings is important. It's important that we all feel there is a place to say these things out loud, or at least write them as I'm doing here. Hanging onto this negativity isn't good either.

Permission to Not Be Okay

I know you're used to me being sunshine and warmth, but today, let's just be kind, quiet, and thoughtful to everyone. You never know what's going on in someone's world, even if they say they're "fine." It takes bravery to admit that maybe not everything is alright.

Yesterday I got a motivational message from Mel Robbins (I signed up for her daily motivations on Instagram). It said, "A bad day is just that—a bad day. You can pause. You can cry. And you can still keep going. You got this."

Finding Light in the Darkness

That's it, isn't it? We can feel all the feelings, but it doesn't have to be an end. Maybe I can turn this into a new beginning? It can be more date nights with my husband. It can be starting a new book. It can be creating a new recipe or maybe trying (and sometimes succeeding with) sourdough baking.

It's okay to shed some tears for sadness, badness, or maybe even loneliness. But let's try together to pick ourselves up and try again tomorrow to feel that still-warm September sun, take a walk through some falling leaves, and maybe switch from cool summer wines to a bold red one.

Sometimes the most honest thing we can do is admit we're struggling. Sometimes the most hopeful thing we can do is believe that tomorrow might feel a little lighter. And sometimes the most important thing we can do is remind each other that it's okay to not be okay—and that we don't have to stay there forever.

A Prayer for Healing

As I close this reflection, I want to send a prayer to everyone affected by the Annunciation School tragedy—to the families, the students, the teachers, and our entire Twin Cities community. May you find comfort in the midst of unimaginable grief, strength in the support of those who love you, and hope that love will ultimately triumph over hate. You are not alone in your sorrow.